"I want to leave a mark."

I found it difficult to begin this post, I really did.

I won't be able to write much about Augustus because, well, he sort of died. And I intentionally put that "sort of" there. I think one of the hardest things one can experience in life is talking about someone you love in past tense. Past tense does not necessarily mean death, of course, people get in and out of our lives all the time. But them leaving doesn't mean we forget them. In fact, I think that losing them just makes the memory stronger. Remember that Augustus feared oblivion? He eventually got to the conclusion that "the real heroes anyway aren't the people doing things; the real heroes are the people NOTICING things, paying attention." (I completely agree with him) Augustus will live in the memory of Hazel Grace, of his parents, his family, his friends... and perhaps they will tell their children about this friend they had named Augustus Waters, who liked metaphors, and hated basketball, and who spent his Cancer Wish on taking his girlfriend to Amsterdam so that she could meet her favorite author.

Augustus Waters left his mark. He left his scar. And like that, he defeated oblivion.

"There's no time like the present."

We always get so worried about the future, always planning for it, getting ready for what is about to come. We care so much for the future that, I think, we forget to live the present.

Augustus knows he is going to die anytime soon. His family and friends know. That is why he is decided more than ever before to make the most of his time in the right here, right now. In fact, he is so determined to live through everything possible that he even planned a prefuneral in case he did not come back as a ghost to attend it (as he wants). He even asked Hazel and his best friend Isaac to write eulogies for him. He edited them.

Gus has taught me a lot throughout the book. But what has mainly stood out all along is that we should make the most of our lives in the present, try to live the good ol' days now, not be all the time planning and planning and forget to enjoy the things we already have. Hazel explains this very well in her eulogy for Augustus: "[...] and God, I want more numbers for Augustus Waters than he got. But, Gus, my love, I cannot tell you how thankful I am for our little infinity. [...] You gave me a forever within the numbered days, and I'm grateful."

Some infinities are bigger than other infinities.

"I lit up like a Christmas tree, Hazel Grace."

What is cancer exactly?

Augustus has a very interesting way of defining it: "What am I at war with? My cancer. And what is my cancer? My cancer is me. The tumors are made of me. They're made of me as surely as my brain and my heart are made of me. It is a civil war, Hazel Grace, with a predetermined winner."

I'm sorry (not really) for the long quote.

So far we've seen Augustus as a strong, confident, young man. He was decided to live as well as he could - and he has. But now, cancer has struck again. It is everywhere in him (Christmas tree). I could say now that some of the life in him has waned, though only a little. I think it's a situation one can not even imagine how it must feel like unless you live it. Yes, we get sick all the time, but what about when it's your own body turning itself on you? What then? Augustus has accepted his destiny but not quite made its peace with it. He likes this world. He loves Hazel. He wants to stay and get a chance at a future with her, even though they both know it's impossible. I believe that we ought to make the most of our time here, invest it in the people we love, the things we love, making our dreams come true, and fight the battles along the way; because that's life, and we only get one to live.

"I believe in Something with a capital S."

Augustus is a very interesting character.

In my first entry, I pointed out that after defeating cancer he took charge of his life. He lived. He wasn't just another one going about life just because. But there's a catch: Augustus fears oblivion. He lives not mainly because he had a near-death experience (though his odds of making it alive were good - 85%) but because he feels the need to do something for which he will be remembered. That's why he believes in Something with a capital S. He trusts in the conservation of souls. What he truly fears is earthly oblivion, that he "won't be able to give anything in exchange for my life." When I first read this part, it got me thinking: why was I given the chance to live and what should I do about it? I think that the main goal is to be able to leave some part of us here after we're gone, and that can be our children, a book, a house, even your favorite pair of shoes... but leave something. Don't fall into the void of oblivion because you feared it way before time.